Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
