You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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