oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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