dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
