What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
