I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
