Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
