dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
