she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
