You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
