At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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