WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
