My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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