Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
