this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
