Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
