Don't make out with my wife yet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
