does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
