Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
