did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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