I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
