Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
