I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
