I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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