Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
