Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
