You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
