i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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