Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
