I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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