dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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