I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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