"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
