On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
