My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
