??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
