I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
