Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
