dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
