I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
