the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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