wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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