If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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