i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize