I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
