My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
