Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
