hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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