I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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