The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
