I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
