didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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