Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
