yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
