Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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