so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
