if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
