and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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