my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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