btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
