I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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