I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize