i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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