New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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