I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
