Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
