your thong is hanging out like whoa
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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