Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
