You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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