but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
