Kiss
Puke
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
